hrm

It seems I have no more poetry in my notebook other than the metaphor thing but NO THANK YOU. So, I made the thingy.

Now, stahp oppressing my poetry!

Also, this is brilliant: Community Quote Crossovers! 

YARN BARN

_arn

AARN
BARN
CARN
DARN
EARN
FARN
GARN
HARN
IARN
JARN
KARN
LARN
MARN
NARN
OARN
PARN
QARN
RARN
SARN
TARN
UARN
VARN
WARN
XARN
YARN
ZARN






How about a Doctor Who gif because OMG LESS THAN A WEEK BEFORE THE 50TH ANNIVERSARY EPISODE!!

WHAT?!

We only have two classes left and our last poetry submission (aside from the final portfolio) is due tomorrow. Is it redundant to post some poetry, then? Whatever. Haha.

I might try posting the silent poetry thingy we did when I have time to do that in photoshop... too busy right now!! You can have other stuffs!!

[PLEASE SUGGEST A TITLE...?]

dyslexic rigor mortis imagination zombie super

diss this rig or this is gin shun bomb soup

dysentery gig gore in guns womb loop

Gary sings more runs on Goomba goop

merry shins gives rhino doom poop

sherry is giggles but no looming group

cherry insignia butter grooming Bluth

sharing insomnia begins by getting bit

glaring instructions berating in the lip

lairs of villains are great for giving tips

flare guns vying for reams of living trips

rare younguns flying in realms of living trips

reunions flip and reality adores vice grips

a little update, I guess?

Adrian and I went to Vertigo Voices for some sick readings! It was a grand ol' time and on the walk back home we brought up our idea of making a zine again and now we're making progress! It might just end up being a chapbook, though. Not sure yet.

I'm putting it on the bloggy blog because I want to get this done before the semester is over and perhaps putting it on here will force us to get 'er done! WHOOT.

Uhhh, goodies now?

I shall post some Blame Society Films stuff on here. WHOOT WHOOT.

Beer & Board Games

I sponsored them and they toasted me on the show, but sadly got my gender wrong. Oh welllllll. The episode I'm toasted in is Season 2: Drunk Birthday Risk!



Welcome to the Basement

Movies!



Chad Vader

Star Wars!

list poem

I submitted this for my most magical second poetry submission, but I thought I would also give it a little posty post just in case anyone was curious.
I need to reorganize my bookcase...

BOOK CASE

Violent Cases is finished

Scott Pilgrim Volume 1 is finished

Scott Pilgrim Volume 2 is finished

V For Vendetta is finished

100 Bullets: First Shot, Last Call is finished

Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes is finished

Sandman: Brief Lives is finished

Kick-Ass is finished

The Long Halloween is finished

Arkham Asylum is finished

Sandman: Endless Nights is finished

The Killing Joke is finished

Umbrella Academy Volume 1 is finished

Umbrella Academy Volume 2 is finished

B.P.R.D Garden of Souls is finished

League of Extraordinary Gentlemen Volume II is finished

League of Extraordinary Gentlemen Volume I is finished

Essential Spider-Man Volume 1 is not finished

Wolverine Origin is finished

Losers Book One is finished

Hush Volume 2 is finished

Hush Volume 1 is finished

Hellboy Seed of Destruction is finished

New Gotham: Evolution is finished

Batman: Harley and Ivy is finished

Avengers: Disassembled is finished

Wolverine: Tales of Weapon X is finished

Billi 99 is not finished

Iron Man & The Armor Wars is not started

The Dark Knight Returns is finished

Haunted Knight is finished

Ghost Omnibus Volume 1 is finished

Signal To Noise is not finished

The Picture of Dorian Grey is not finished

Never Let Me Go is finished

Ysabel is finished

Howl's Moving Castle is finished

The Neverending Story is not finished

Lord of The Rings: The Return of the King is not started

Lord of The Rings: The Two Towers is not started

Lord of The Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring is not finished

The Hobbit is finished

Under The Dome is finished

Sarah Kane Complete Plays is finished

Everything Is Trying To Kill Everybody is not finished

You Might Be A Zombie and Other Bad News is finished

A Clockwork Orange is finished

It is not finished

Nineteen Eighty-Four is finished

The Vinland Sagas is finished

The Fault In Our Stars is not started

Will Grayson, Will Grayson is finished

Paper Towns is finished

Looking For Alaska is finished

Dracula is not finished

Monkey Beach is finished

Franz Kafka The Complete Stories is not finished

Mother Superior is finished

The Complete Persepolis is finished

Shutter Island is finished

Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them is finished

Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone is finished

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets is finished

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban is finished

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire is finished

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince is finished

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix is finished

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is finished

Yen+ Volume 1 No. 4 is finished

Yen+ Volume 2 No. 1 is finished

Yen+ Volume 2 No. 2 is finished

Yen+ Volume 2 No. 3 is finished

Yen+ Volume 2 No. 4 is finished

Yen+ Volume 2 No. 5 is finished

Yen+ Volume 2 No. 6 is finished

Yen+ Volume 2 No. 7 is not finished

Yen+ Volume 2 No. 8 is not started

Yen+ Volume 2 No. 9 is not started

Yen+ Volume 2 No. 10 is not started

Yen+ Volume 2 No. 11 is not started

Yen+ Volume 2 No. 12 is not started

Yen+ Volume 3 No. 1 is not started

Fruits Basket Volume 11 is not started

Pet Shop of Horrors, Tokyo Volume 1 is not started

Rurouni Kenshin Volume 1 is not started

Kraken is not finished

xxxHolic Volume 4 is finished

xxxHolic Volume 5 is finished

xxxHolic Volume 6 is finished

xxxHolic Volume 7 is finished

xxxHolic Volume 8 is finished

xxxHolic Volume 9 is finished

xxxHolic Volume 10 is finished

xxxHolic Volume 11 is not finished

xxxHolic Volume 12 is not started

xxxHolic Volume 13 is not started

Tsubasa Volume 4 is finished

Tsubasa Volume 6 is finished

.hack//Legend of the Twilight Volume 1 is finished

.hack//Legend of the Twilight Volume 2 is finished

.hack//Legend of the Twilight Volume 3 is finished

YuYu Hakusho Volume 9 is finished

YuYu Hakusho Volume 10 is finished

YuYu Hakusho Volume 11 is finished

Fullmetal Alchemist Volume 1 is finished

Fullmetal Alchemist Volume 3 is finished

iD_eNTITY Volume 9 is finished

iD_eNTITY Volume 10 is finished

iD_eNTITY Volume 11 is not finished

iD_eNTITY Volume 12 is not started

Interview With The Vampire is finished

The Vampire Lestat is not finished

Queen of the Damned is not finished

The Tale of the Body Thief is not started

Twilight is finished

New Moon is finished

Eclipse is finished

Breaking Dawn is finished

The Outsiders is finished

X-Men the Movie Novelization is finished

The Da Vinci Code is not finished

American Gods is not started

Memoirs of a Geisha is finished

Jurassic Park is finished

The Bourne Ultimatum is not started

Red Dragon is finished

The Silence of the Lambs is finished

Hannibal is not finished

Hannibal Rising is not started

The Legend of Luke is finished

Redwall is finished

Mariel of Redwall is finished

Mossflower is finished

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass is finished

Night is not started

A Million Pieces is not started

The English Patient is finished

The Conquest of Gaul is not finished

The Slave Community is not started

Three Against the Wilderness is not finished

Women's Right Emerges within the Antislavery Movement, 1800-1870 is not started

British Columbia Murders is not started

The Wretched of the Earth is not started

Holes is finished

Firewing is finished

The Magical Worlds of Harry Potter is finished

Ghost Stories of Christmas is finished

Trust No One: The Official Third Season Guide To X-Files is not finished

Vanished is not finished

The Turn of the Screw is not started

Frankenstein is finished

text message poetry

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS

gotta love cheekbones
outside when youre ready
I ate an incredible amount of pasta
I didn't sleep very well

Googled it and he's definitely her brother
void the top fuel line

how did they know we wanted them in
               bath robes?
assholes with daddy issues
are you coming home for lunch?
OOPS that was meant for adrian lol!

the old dutch rep gives us credit
Dad's leg is still messed up

the guy was a white cowboy
I guess I nicknamed you Poohead

Why was Brad carrying chalk
          in his pocket?
Its our soooooooooooooong
he was a TA

The Ianto situation is really upsetting
Uh oh, what happened?

homonyms

GUERRILLA FACTORY

I fought, eye new
ewe
ring the tents
tense with plum
prints for princes
the cymbal bore
its sole soul
symbolizing
no one knows
with quarts in a
guerrilla factory
I guessed the
guest made the
maid -- pail
Her idle idol
was missed like
mist in a hare creek
creaking for naught
won lute, but
a knot of loot
a rose colored quartz
in rows on the road

bleeeeeeeeeeeeert!!

I haven't really posted about any of the readings in a really long time, so I thought now would be a really great time to do that now that we're almost done.

So blert! It's a book! Of poetry! I liked it? Yes, I did. As was promised, it was definitely a fun and nifty read. I don't really have any powerful insights about it at the this time and point because I prefer to talk about all that jazz in class. I do have two things I want to say, though!

1) Sometimes I feel that poetry is a bit like magic in that once you know how it was done (or why) it loses a bit of that mystery that made me love it so much. Just talking about theory and whatnot can turn me off a poem especially since I don't really like poetry that much to begin with. However, I will say that reading the Author's Note at the end of blert (or is it BLERT? Or Blert? @.@) made the whole thing just about a billion times better.

2) Did this give anyone else some Wonderland flashbacks? I don't know. I'm too lazy to pull out my copy right now, but something about the way Jordan Scott strings together words made me think about that.

In conclusion, I had a jolly good time with blert and I can't wait to talk to you chaps about it.

this post contains naughty language!

naughty!

Hando Calrizian

"Hey buuudy, check out my gunnnnn."
kinda sounds like Bruce Campbell. Or is that just me.

methanol is best alcohol
update Matt's Wikipedia page to his full name-Mattrick P. Lesbian Sloan

"Every time I stop it, I'm like, I have a super power." "Called Hand."

"Humpty-Dumpty, when did you join Al-Qaeda?"
"Ein Volk! Ein Reich! Ein Rooster!"
I know you were toasting for me
"I can't hear you, I have a phone in my ear."

1:21 how I like my women
sorta looks like a creepy matt dilion..

farts are funny,  but you guys are even more so

"Where's my burger?"
"Burger, Fuckface, and The Other One".
"Wrong way, fuckface."

what beer do you guys recommend as my first legal drink?
how much liquor pour video did you guys consume
"Fuck off Cat, I'm busy."

amp up the creep factor...
but was too distracted by that mustache

does that mean we can call him Hando Calrizian?

Everyone seems a bit fuzzy.
Lesbian & The Other One (:

Aaron looks like Snake Plissken

alone /cries into beard
"what a tough time i'm having"
"Wait, YOU"RE no lesbian!"
how are your livers doing?
"Oh shit. Wow."

Can we do a kickstarter for Dylan's Ritalin?

I do miss the sex with Craig though
something to do with drunkeness and rage
"I told you, we already have Fuck Insurance."

I see a pirate, a French beatnik, a magician and a poet laureate
Apolonious christ!
"Wrong heaven, Fuckface."

Oh look its Elle Driver! No no wait... it's only Aaron

"I say to you, now more than ever, 'Bok...bok...BOK!'"

There was no "Folks!" How do we know it's over?





This one has a lot of quotes because I took it from the comments section of a YouTube video and people loves them some quoting.

flarf wharf bark

DUMB COCK BLOCKING DOG

Ahhahahahaa.......... the dog thinks he's people
the hipster purists always end up with copious amounts of sand in their panties
hmmm odd ..... in a good way i gess thats all i can think up by know ....
Sometimes I wish I had a Wilfred
You women are so odd...
HIS LAUGH AT THE END OMFG MY LITTLE ANGEL<3333
Peanut Butter Molester
What a whiny bitch that sister is
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i dont even
OMFG IM SO DONE I HAD TO PAUSE TO CONTAIN MYSELF
Here
 i hope not bc that would be cReEpY!!!!!!!!!
The darkness is everywhere. You can't see it because the Sun is such an attention whore
plot twists maaaaaaan
"his mother is his sister"... freaking physically impossible... LOL
Traditional Ayahuasca is so much more complex than they describe. I mean yes it's just DMT and MAOI, but the traditional blends are three if not more plants stewed in a complex ritual, not just an extract from a vine.
on nowvid, why is it workaholics
confusion
LOL. embarresed to take the knockers shot then says it was good
you can actually hear that?xD
I would beat the shit out of that dumb cock blocking dog.
They used that hypnosis machine on Fringe
parking meter guy made me gag
No it was wine
At the end was it blood? What was it?
he probably raped an overrun pigeon
what a tease
that is the outmost idiotic thing I have heard

yo, yo, yo

I'm just waiting on some computer stuff and I got bored so I'm going to give some flarf a whirl. Here is the one I did in class! 

Brianna's Cobbler

pinkie pie party

I like your crackers too

when I see your jelly roll

buck yeah my little pony

nah son free pie

beep bop boop okatu

created with magisto

I can't make a pie to save my life!

it's free, quick, and easy

Hi, I'm Brianna

note the impressive latticework

23 years young

my pie chart is completely red

I seconds the request for the peach pie recipe

reblogged this from mizukas

Eva Beepbop and the chocolate song

11:23 BEEP BOP BOOP

Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

I like pie

the verification problem

I found out how to disable the CAPTCHA that you have to fill out each time you want to post a comment!

On your blogger dashboard, click on the drop down menu next to the create next post button and select Settings. Under Settings, select Posts and comments and then scroll to where it says Show word verification and change it to no!

I've disabled it on mine so let me know if you've had to prove you're a robot lately!

just to be the poet who wrote a hundred words

Now that I have my mood music trilogy, I shall successfully create the hundred word poem!



THIS HAS NO TITLE

the number of each

people will part from

water call all oil but

then your word made

you into time,

many more than

long down or

go see it out

her his said

that they was there

if a first find

how now?

which is by up

its been about

what were with

these as some one

could look at an are

did on

he she has had

so I use

them when

no way

we can not make do

and come get him

for my other to

write like two

be in this

who would have

their may day

Man, that took foreeeevveeerrrr. First I had to figure out what I hadn't used from the list and when I finally had it all in place Word told me I had 102 words. ARRG. Took me forever to hunt down the repeated words.

(Freaks and Geeks)

INSERT WITTY POST TITLE HERE?

Oh wow. So, remember when I said I was going to post a slew of poetry? Yeah. Me too. I was totes lying, it seems. I need adult supervision when I have days off or nothing gets done. @.@

In my defense, this is what distracted me:

TEACUP HUMANS. TEACUP HUMANS. That is freakin' delightful. I wish I had come up with teacups humans. Anyways, I'm going to put True Blood on hold now so I can do some of this poetry jazz.

P.S. It took me forever to figure out how to get a YouTube video to start at a certain spot. Forever. Sure, when you click on Share Video it lets you pick at start time, but that's just for copy and pasting which is useless to us bloggers, unless we want to make our dear readers click around for videos. When you click on Embed it doesn't offer any support for starting videos at specific times, but it does have the code we need!

If you can't find the video you want to blog with the built in video thing for blogger, just copy and paste that while in HTML mode and you're golden :)

NOW I TELL YOU HOW I DID THE THING!

OK, so just copy and paste the embed link in with HTML mode on and then you need to add ?start=110&end=119 at the end of the video link like this:

<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/XTwF0-1D1x8?start=90&end=98" width="560"></iframe>

You have to do it all in seconds, so do the maths to make sure you get it right! Oh, and if you don't want related videos to pop up after it's done just stick &rel=0 after the ending time like such:

<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/XTwF0-1D1x8?start=90&end=98&rel=0" width="560">
</iframe>

Hopefully that helps if you plan on uploading videos and hopefully I didn't bore the people that were already smart enough to figure that out on their own!

Happy Hunting and more to come!

OH and a video size calculator so your videos don't end up looking too wonky if you decide you don't like the sizes that YouTube lists.

more found poetry

Welp, I finally revised that found poetry we attempted a couple weeks back wherein a scientific management book or whatever was thrown at me. I really do quite enjoy the scientific management slang, but contrasting it with dictionary definitions did not work out as I had hoped that it would. So, I pulled out Volume One of The Umbrella Academy: Apocalypse Suite and I pulled out some choice selections. WUAHAHAHAHAHA.

Management Suite

researchers developed the method

Sir Reginald set out with his bodyguard Abhijat

supervised and enforced by governmental agencies

it came from an atomic flying elbow

some distance from customers, highly automated and capital intensive

she could play the violin

next, we deseasonalize the data

Father's really dead, isn't he, Pogo?

to succeed beyond the year 2000

Godspeed, Spaceboy, sir

optimal solutions in the graphical solution method lie at intersections

every time I close my eyes I see centipedes

changing long-range capacity needs of organizations

The Kraken made a vague reference to ice cream

closeness ratings are used to reflect the desirability

you've wanted to kiss me since you were eight years old

in a plumbing supply company

Isn't your sister a violinist? The crazy one?

order point = expected demand during lead time + safety stock

TANTRUM?! YOU'RE CALLING THIS A TANTRUM?!

researchers developed the methods and philosophy called scientific management

Can I interest you in destroying the world?

happy thorsday!

Hello all! Get ready for a slew of poetry for I am posting as much as possible today so I don't have to do it all in one hour the day of our class. WHOOP WHOOP.

I wanted to do a parody of Friday, but write it as Thorsday. Unfortunately, that's already been done and it's not really that cool so I went and made those Ed Sanders gifs instead because they are a million times cooler.

FIRST OFF, THE VIDEO FIRST IN CASE YOU FORGOT HOW AWESOME IT IIIIIISSSSS

SECOND, I GIFT YOU WITH THESE GIFS

Class Sick Silly Ables

Here's my take on the experiment we did during bpNichol week! 

Oracular Delirium

i ard n h d
            ily
ww ve I r ren
                       ere
You Doll i u nly W
       wrath o t u ly ear

You ild altars
                    all enough
You an ve i o gh
      o ook f u or hind

W son kons u
                   to ause
gh a ay a y ow b
But t ii u ow u eep
as
    dark
            as
                ingots
innn a est

U gh a swer We r ng!
         O
            eave u ow, a l u g
o ing ow m m of this
WILL TIME FATE

a few
         comp
                   lace
         nt ye-ars
A m y p of y p
ink U hat u r t g o
For eve r p and u



O Death

DEATH d a ll t
     bia w h s
     S the dark, -- sently
v b i narrow

U m m a s rain
d t sh l
n the I tt p t l t hand
Is n annnnotation

Af all m e w d r
M no I ch ish
     eeee y t a ot I
j e at
          perished?





EDIT: the first poem is based on "Cassandra" by Edwin Arlington Robinson and the second is from "Passer Mortuus Est" by Edna St. Vincent Millay.

more to inspire my empire: Camilla d'Errico

WARNING: I don't have too much longer before I have to go so I won't be writing a poem based on this shindig, but I did want to put this up. Poem draft will probably be tomorrow!

Camilla d'Errico

Remember when people put those gel skin things on all their electronic devices? I totally do. Anywhozzles, there I was browsing through the website when I stumbled onto Camilla d'Errico's work.

Gelaskins page for Camilla d'Errico

I sort of hate the bio on her page because it states that her start as being an artist was "unusual" seeing as she started in comics. WTF?! No! Comics are definitely art, you buttheads! But, that is another discussion.

At the time, she only had two pieces up and thus I went down the Google rabbit hole to find more of her pieces. I have a whole folder of images from years and two computers ago. It seems she has several new pieces since the last time I went on there judging by that Gelaskins page.

I've always enjoyed her work because it has this Disney Princess quality to it and then taking that and twisting it around whether it be through the expression on the girl's face or by the absurd creatures resting on her head. They intrigue me and ask me to tell a story about each of these girls. Do they have their own fairy tale? I have not yet thought of an interesting way to put this concept into poetry, but perhaps the next reading will give me some inspirations on how to go about this!

Camilla d'Errico's Website

gaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

Many apologies for my lack of posting. My usual days off were STOLEN and I haven't had much blog-a-logging time. This is about all the time I have before I have to whisk myself off to work again. Sorry, sorry, sorry!

This is technically just an apology/intro to this post in which I reveal that I totally didn't have time to go buy that other book of ours about that apothecary mumbo jumbo. WHOOPS.

To make up for my egregious error, here is a video of Christopher Walken preforming Poker Face by Lady Gaga:

that book thing we were supposed to read (don't worry I did read it)

I thought I would post about this shindig before we went to class.

I don't get it.

I don't want to say it's not poetry just because I don't understand it because art is subjective (lol lol cliche), but I am just lost on this. Hopefully our discussion tonight will shed some light on this thingy and I can get it and enjoy it. To be honest, I didn't sit down and read it word for word because I was so lost. Boop, my fault. Maybe someone who likes it can tell me why they like it and show me the beauty in it? I don't know.



BTW I'm playing Injustice now with Adrian until class starts so... excuse for why I don't comment on other stuff or look to see if anyone else has put up a blog??

inspiration: pocketmaster (poem response)

But Our Princess Is In Another Castle!

save mankind against impossible odds
to his sinister reign
wage intense shooter combat with
vile henchmen
they call it a suicide mission
from the 1985 classic!
activate the Cerberus network
just save a Princess
entire human colonies
brick-smashin'
the galaxy's deadliest team
pipe-warpin'
tech attacks, and biotic powers
turtle-stompin'
PROVE THEM WRONG

Apologies for I could not think of an appropriate gif =(

DYNAMIC DUO!

Adrian made a blog too! Holy inspired-by-free-classes, Batman!

http://milkgravy.tumblr.com/

I like to call him the Dick Grayson to my Bruce Wayne.

That's from Holy Musical B@man! It's awesome to the max.

IT'S OUR SONG!!

inspiration: pocketmaster

OK! One more before I head off to the dream realm.

What inspires me? Music inspires me! I always have some tunes on when I'm at the laptop getting all creative. Sometimes a soundtrack will do the trick and sometimes I have to listen to a song until I get sick of it because it's the only thing that's lighting my creative fire.

Now, at risk of sounding hipster-tastic, I thought I would treat you to some music that is totally not mainstream.

POCKETMASTER

http://www.pocketmaster.ch/

I found these guys last year when I was looking up cool remixes for the IT Crowd theme song (long, British story) and I ended up downloading the whole mix because I was too lazy to download just the one song. It seemed complicated at the time! The group is made up of Cube-C and Emiglio Laser and they use sound bites from old school gaming systems and what not to make really awesome techno music.

Gah, I love it! I love the mix of the quotes, techno and vintage gaming. It has a sci-fi feel to it while feeling a little dated in the best possible way ever. I'm not sure how one would achieve this through poetry, but a mix of the old and new while adding a quirky twist sounds totally rad. That's sort of the feel I got from Carbonated Bippies! in the way that Colin Smith used quotes that had a dated feel to them, but mashed them all up together to give the poem an overall modern twist to it in a way that doesn't feel goofy, but different.

Three of Pocketmaster's 4 releases are for free on the website and I recommend you check them out! It's cool beans.

In other news, I do have an idea of how to translate this into poetry, but I'm going to have to attempt that tomorrow when my brain is less on the melting side.

In other other news, if you're bored tomorrow WATCH THIS!!

And then when you're done watching the intro and wondering where this has been all your life, watch the whole series which is only 6 episodes. You will not be disappointed and then you can make cool jokes that no one will understand except us. HA HA HA.

LOOK I'M EVEN ADDING THE PLAYLIST TO THIS POST. 

Memory Test

I liked the idea of creating a poem based on something you remembered + I haven't seen Star Trek: Into Darkness since it was in theaters = a long stream of consciousness poem that gradually deteriorates as I attempt to sift through my memories. Beam me up, Scotty!


USS SASSAFRAS

Disguised figure running

Natives running after him

OH GOD! A TAUN-TAUN! (wrong series)

"That was our ride!"

More running

Inside shuttlecraft

Vulcan in a nifty suit

"Are you sure you don't want me to go?"

"That would be illogical."

We all laugh at his expense

More running, Kirk ditches the scroll

"I HATE THIS!" "I KNOW YOU DO!"

Into the deep blue

Exterior shot of the USS Enterprise

"You cannae hide a ship under water."

There is drama

"We must follow the Prime Directive."

"What would he do if it were me?"

"He'd let you die."

They don't follow the Prime Directive.

Title Screen?

London! Bleak, sad piano music

It's Mickey from Doctor Who

Big dog, go to hospital, sick girl

It's all very sad

"I can help you."

OH MY SEXY ACCENT IT'S SHERLOCK HOLMES

Lab time with Sherlock/Khan (but we don't know that yet)

Mickey cures his girl and then does something with a ring

BOOM! Evil Benedict Cumberbatch smirk!

Maybe this is where the title screen is?

Kirk is having sexy times, but RING RING

Spock is sassy, as per usual

"We aren't going to get the five year assignment."

Spock handed in his report, as per usual

"You disobeyed the Prime Directive. What do you have to say?"

"Never trust a Vulcan."

"Are you giving me attitude, Spock?"

"I am expressing several attitudes. To which are you referring?"

"You're going back to the academy, Kirk."

Enter Kirk, bar, flirting

Remember when he was going back to the academy?

Well, now he gets to be first officer

Lesson = failed

Big, fancy meeting

"Hey, Captain."

"I'm not Captain anymore."

Backstabbing! Oh my!

Meeting, Kirk says something brilliant

Then Khan ruins it all (John Harrison?)

Pike dies, Spock almost cries

Kirk definitely cries

There is sadness

"Scotty found something."

"He transported to the Klingon home planet." -- but it sounds Scottish

Kirk and Spock report it in a huff

They request to go hunt down Khan

Remember when Kirk was demoted to first officer?

Well, now he's Captain again

WHY DO THEY BOTHER TRYING TO TEACH HIM LESSONS?!

Some blonde lady shows up

Spock is clearly suspicious (to be read as jealous)

Bones does some medical type stuff

What an old curmudgeon!

Starfleet put torpedoes on the Enterprise

So much for a peacekeeping operation

Scotty resigns

=( =( =( =( =(

Some drama is happening between Spock and Uhura

Who cares?

Chekov goes down to Engineering!

The gang goes down to the Klingon planet in a shuttlecraft

Which is a clever reference to a Star Trek: TOS episode

(omg this is a really long mooooviiiiieeeee)

There's a fight or something

The Klingons are pretty sweet

Sulu says "If you test me, you will fail"

Because he's asian! Amiright?!

Khan shows up and helps them all out, then surrenders

(this is starting to become a blur)

UHHHH Kirk phones Scotty? There's sass?

Khan tells them to look inside the torpedoes

There are tears!!! <3

The blonde lady is the Admiral's daughter (NOBODY CARES)

There are frozen popsicle people in the torpedoes (Khan's crew)

They're like super duper solider type people

SO THE ADMIRAL IS EVIL

There's a battle thing

Khan works with them and then he's like "Screw that"

But Scotty shows up again before that

Anyways the warp core is misaligned and science type stuff

So, Kirk tries to fix it and then he dies

(it's just like the scene in the other Star Trek movie)

"KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!"

Spock chases Khan through town!

(it looks hilarious)

Spock tries to murder Khan but then the old curmudgeon is like

"DAMNIT, JIM, I'M A DOCTOR AND I NEED KHAN ALIVE"

So, they keep Benedict Cumberbatch alive

Kirk lives! Yay!

They freeze Khan again

There was probably more sass somewhere in there

There is always sass with these people

And then they go on the five year mission

How Quaint